Pitiful
by Noone the Virgin
Summary: A man's last days spent in pain, agony and fear.


Spandam sat on the hospital bed, spine dismantled. He could barely move let alone speak. His face was swollen from Robin's rapid backhanding. He was in insufferable pain. The doctor came to him. "Mr. Spandam, I'm sorry to tell you that we cannot undergo the surgery needed to relocate your spine back in shape." He said. "Why not?!" Spandam yelled. "I have more money than you make in a year! Make it happen or I'll have you arrested, stupid doctor!" "It's not a financial problem. It's a health problem. Your body is literally too weak to handle the surgery." Spandam held his breath. "Even one of our average Marines could get through it properly, but you're a special case." The doctor gave him his medicine and left. "So, I can't get back to my normal self…" Spandam grew teary eyed. "All because of that damn woman! She did this all to me!" He looked down at his crotch. "My penis doesn't even work… I can't feel a damn thing down there." He began to cry unstabily, tears rolling down his face.

When he woke up, his father, Spandine was there at his side. "Father! You came to see me!" He said. "I didn't come to give you support." He said, looking stern. "I'm disappointed in you, Spandam. You used your position for the worst of things. You can't do this job, it would seem." Spandam was looking at him with shock. "But, you're still my son. So I'll leave you with this: They're coming for you." "Who? Who's coming from me?!" Spandam tried to move, but gave out due to pain. Spandine walked away. However, he turned back and said,

"Your former cohorts."

Spandam froze. Down in his crotch area, came moisture. "Nurse! My useless son needs tending to!"

For a few days, Spandam was scared stiff. He could barely eat and his bedpan was filled with shit and piss routinely. He was silent and cooperative, which was a rare occurrence with everyone who assisted him. Even they sensed something wasn't right. One peaceful night, he fell asleep. He dreamed a calm dream. It was him at home, with his parents. He was a child. Dinner was being served. It was everything he wanted. His parents smiled at him. As he went to go for the large roast sliced up, his mother came to him with a napkin. "Spandam…" She said. "Spandam…" He turned to his mother. "Mother…" He went for a kiss. "…That's sexual harassment." His face snapped quickly.

"I can't tell if he's making a kissy face." A voice said. Spandam woke up.

"You're awake, Director." It was Kalifa, along with the rest of the CP9.

Spandam's mouth opened, spreading his swollen face against its will. His crotch became moist and smelly at the same time. "How'd you-" Blueno held his mouth. "Keep silent." Rob Lucci came to him. "I was in a state similar to yours, Director." He told him. "But it looks like I healed up just fine, without the need of the Marine's medical assistance." He smiled sinisterly. Spandam looked at Lucci with tears in his eyes. "Look at you, you're pathetic, chapapa." Fukurou said. "Quite the shockeroo to see our former Director in, no?" Kaku said. "Makes you wonder if we should just leave him be." "Hell no! I say we take our time with him!" Jyabura said, cracking his knuckles. "Death is too good even for him!" "I agree. But we can't just beat him up." Lucci said. "We need to take something away from him…something he desires…" Kalifa adjusted her glasses. She put her foot on his crotch. "Ah, there it is." She said. "What's she trying?" She looked at Spandam. "Can you feel it? Your manhood's last days?" Everyone's back tickled them, even Lucci's." "Wait, Kalifa. There's no need to be hasty with this." Kaku said. "You don't wanna go and ruin your shoe there, do you?" Kalifa noticed and stepped back. She took it off and examined it. "Damn that man!" "Luckily for you, I can't feel anything down there anymore!" He said, smiling. Lucci looked at it and grew fierce. He punched Spandam, knocking him off the bed.

"Jyabura!" He called out. "Grab his spine where it's twisted!" "Gladly!"

Lucci pulled him up and turned him backwards. Jyabura grabbed his spine. Spandam was in pure pain, not being able to breathe from its sensation. Jyabura was pulling it, seemingly putting it in place. Some snaps and cracks later; it was back where it was originally. "There." Spandam was relieved. "I…I can move it again!" He said. Lucci held his shoulder down. With one finger, he hit an area on Spandam's back, paralyzing him. "You can still feel your body, but you can't move, Director." Lucci said. "Now you're going to regret your meddlesome ways." Every member formed a finger gun, aiming for his spine where Jyabura relocated it. Simultaneously, they hit it, shattering the bone to the point of being unrepaired. Together, Lucci and Jyabura grabbed him and twisted his pelvis until he looked like a churro or something else similar to it. Another fragment of his spine snapped. Spandam was in a state of shock. They finally put him down. Kumadori came to him, looking saddened. "Yoyoi! Director, though it has been a memorable period with you, we must part ways." He said. "I have for you, a haiku."

Memories and bliss

Are a thing of the past, yes

Your balls are done for

"Wait a minute, that wasn't-" Kalifa swiftly went for a kick, targeting Spandam's balls. Everyone looked at her in shock." A massive scream was heard in the emergency ward, so loud, the CP9 agents had to flee the scene.

In the air, the group was arguing with Kalifa. "You crazy bitch, we wanted to make him suffer, not destroy his confirmation of masculinity!" Jyabura said. "I actually have to agree with him there, Kalifa." Kaku said. "As men, we have to take into consideration the line that's set up." Kalifa adjusted her glasses. "Lucci would have done the same thing, right?" She asked. "Kill a man, yes. Take the one thing that makes him a man, no." Hattori cooed. "In any case, put it this way: Now he can't reproduce! Do you really want the World Government to put up with another one of him!?" Everyone was silent. "She makes a point." Blueno said. "But you still didn't need to do that." Everyone nodded in agreement.

The next day, Spandam was in worse condition than before. He had to take a large amount of painkillers to even withstand the medical treatment and his manhood lay aside him, in a jar. He looked at it, with tears rolling down his eyes. He was binded on the bed twice over, his lower spine no longer repairable. He would sit there for years on end before finally having to take the risky surgery.

The end result? You decide. He still can't use his manhood either way.


End file.
